the last time I saw her she was leaving the mens bathroom and club rush with her dress inside out. typical tease.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
He wasn't eating out, he was performing a hysterectomy without a license....should I be worried about my future family?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I just rolled a blunt at my desk. Happy early Friday!
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
My dog just blew me a kiss. First of all I'm stoned and second of all he's a pitbull. Those aren't sexual dogs. So wtf.
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