I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
i have a $600 bill for my ER visit in which they did nothing but suggest to me that i am an alcoholic.
she was carrying the quesadilla around the bar like a security blanket
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
I am now trying to reassure her that she doesn't have a wide-set vagina. So thanks, for whatever you said.
your bra might or might not be a decoration on me and my roomies xmas tree haha
She said, "awww, you're so sweet" after I started putting on a condom. How many STDs have I just contracted?
All you need to know is that isn't jizz
woke up next to the new dishwasher. set the record for banging a new employee to 6 hours...i should be a professional sexual predator
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
Nothing ruins your day more than waking up to you dogs crotch in your face
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