dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
Please high five our old drug dealer for me please.
Woke up next to a tiki torch spooning a plastic flamingo on a welcome mat i've never seen before with a "happy valentines day" balloon tied to my wrist, oh yeah and "i am a cougar" is written on my chest in sharpee and all the kitchen furniture is upside down...
Had sex and ran 2.8 miles all before 7:30am. This is going to be a very productive Monday.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
And my only real exposure to Russian culture is you and Internet porn.
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
So on a scale from 1-10 how gross is it that I used mortuary makeup on my own face?
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
At least your vagina gets to vagina again. Dust that thing off.
I or someone else dumped a lot of glitter into my boobs last night.
I gave in, made out with her, and long story short, I'm giving hetero another try.
Yeah but now he has a wife. It’s going to be different this year
So what. We’ve banged every Thanksgiving since high school. She just has to understand it’s a holiday tradition
Randomize
