but i got with him after midnight so its technically 2 days
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
If someone cleans their bathroom and shaves their crotch for you you kinda have to admit the relationship to facebook
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
You convinced us both to take shots of jack Daniels through our eyes.
After your mom took her 12th and fatal tequila shot she proceeded to fall head first into the bonfire... Guess I don't have to fear getting old after all
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
then looked at this little girl next to me and was like "don't drink when you get older and don't let your best friend be with assholes." she looked at me like i was crazy
I ran into a wall that clearly had things popping out. My eyebrow was bruised, both arms, the bottom of my foot. Lost half of my finger nail, my fake eyelash was stuck in my hair and I have about 47 blurry pictures of a half naked zombie DJ.
Is it bad when your own grandmother calls you a whore?
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
How’s your Christmas Eve so far?
I just chased my melatonin with red wine. It’s 12:00pm.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
