it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
i called my brother from the living room and paid him a dollar to turn off the light in my room. ive hit rock bottom
you wrote "5 million dollars" in the tip line for the pizza delivery man and insisted that he deserves it
How do I recover from singing "your body is a wonderland" on his voicemail?
He told me he wouldn't do any drunk sluts but me. I guess that's sort of a compliment...?
man, work is way more interesting with these acid flashbacks.
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
We are two peas in an std pod
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I have the slightest memory of swinging a bag full of condoms over my head...
I have a sixth sense for dads free balling in gym shorts
I woke up with what appeared to be LSD in my pocket. Know anything about this?
so horny i almost want to text him..and then i remember the restraining order i have against him
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