And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
its 9am and we're in an escalade. I have no shoes and my dress is on backwards. I feel like we're the morning after a rap video
Is being a pregnant whore worse than an average one?
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
Let the record show that the first hour of my twenty-first was spent shooting tequila ans discussing the emotional integrity of werewolves.
FUCK IM ABOUT TO GET A DICK PIC IN THE LIBRARY
how I know last night was a good night: this morning I found a bottle of tapatio, a bag of chicken and a bag of popcorn in my purse.
She just called at a dance party, and you stopped mid puke to join. Another successful night.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I swear if you laugh while im moaning i will immediately stop and go home.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
We're sort of like brothers. Except with more sexual tension. And we don't look alike. Or are related.
So we're not much like brothers really.
woke up with a tree in my apartment. also the everclear bottle is suspiciously low
suspiciously? i think one of those explains the other
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