Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
so apparently mom and dad slept together on the first date
i guess it runs in the family.
he kept saying "mind over matter" as he fucked me
First drunken handjob: not successful. Second handjob, mostly sober: much better. Nightly news brought to you by me.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
Now if u will excuse me I have to go prep my vagina for this amazing sex filled weekend I'm about to encounter
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I don't know what happened. His phone, shirt, shoes, and the condom wrapper are here but he isn't. I don't even know how to get a hold of him right now
You were talking to yourself and eating cold cuts in the kitchen when I found you
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize