I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
It's official drugs can't kill me
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
There were four people in the car. The girls sure know how to blow. I think we almost crashed when the driver climaxed.
Sware then you fell into me doing a Tarzan swing thing and my margherita spilled and shattered all over this guy and sice you were on the ground you tried to pull it off by twerking on the floor lmfao
I can see the future and your future is full of penis
He looks like an accountant with a secret kinky candy filled center.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
THEY'RE TEXTING LIKE MIDDLE AGED SOCCER MOMS WHAT DO I DO
How do you make a Facebook status saying how much you fucking hate yourself without being aggressive enough for people to worry about your safety
Cuz that's where I'm at
i had to call the bar to ask if they found my bowling ball. That good of a night
she was all excited about us being eskimo sisters and then i was just like "alyssa i've literally been inside of you" and she got even more excited
Randomize