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we're taking shots every time my dog licks his penis. we're on number 8 now.
you should have been aborted.
in jail i did the beyonce ass shake for the police officers & called Sally from my collect phone in my cell & started singing "im in JAAAIL IM IN JAAAIL",
i hate that you can chart my weight gain through my facebook pictures.
There's a girl n class drinking wine out of a taco bell cup. I can smell it.. it's totally reisling. JEALOUS.
Its official, drinking for 15 hours counts as a suicide attempt
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
its the kind of night you break several limbs and say you were lucky
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
I had one glass of wine then passed out for 4 hours. It's like I'm having a quarter-life crisis.
Apparently I yelled "Spring Break 1984" at a drunk couple fighting on the side of the road.
That edible kicked in right as I was upside-down on that rollercoaster. Fucking.mind.blown.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
How dare you not respond to me after opening up a picture of my bare breasts
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