just accidentally masturbated with tiger balm. best. accident. ever.
Literally he has the smallest penis I've ever felt since 8th grade.
so are you any less fat since you started doing blow?
I didn't know there was such thing as a bad orgasm. Until him.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
GLITTER SLIP N SLIDE MUTHAFUCKAH~
He said he wanted to "superfuck" me
Does he wear a cape??
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was riding him and in the middle he literally said "fuck yeah, Amy Winehouse"
Apparently last night I yelled "the cops were called on a mother fucker and that mother fucker is me." And then proceeded to exorcise a sandwitch.
Is 36 too old to fuck a college student? THIS IS BOTH IMPORTANT AND TIME SENSITIVE
she grabed my junk and started making lightsaber noises
I wonder if you could get her in a metal bikini
I think I just got booty called by someone I've never slept with or even really had a conversation with before.
So this morning when I woke up. I found my refrigerator open and no more food. It was empty, I'm home alone for the week. Where in hell did that food go?
Blunts beyotch
What? Joints? Blunts?
I'll refer you to my previous text: "Blunts beyotch"
Randomize
