Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
and thats how i got kicked in the balls by micky mouse
My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
did the walk of shame through a baseball field. .A little league game was going on. Proceeded to buy a hot dog at the concession stand. the looks were priceless.
it was like a zeppelin in a condom
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
This just became a night full of adventures...and by adventures I mean hitting people with my car
youre always welcome to strip dance on tables with me Mag. what are friends for.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
In Punta Cana for my bachelor trip, hopefully tomorrow my passport is blacklisted
All I remember is pissing by the garage and the next thing I know I'm on fire
I just remembered something. We made out last night, people cheered.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
She’s 47 and wants me to fuck her on her mom’s hospital bed
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