Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
my life trainwreck boards at 9:30
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
What the fuck am I going to do with a pinata full of tampons?
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
Hey, I'm renting a storage locker for the summer to keep all my bondage shit in so my parents don't see it. You wanna split on it for your all your weed shit?
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
currently working on a look that screams, "I'm dead inside, but still trying to enjoy the ride"
honestly the most stressful part of moving is the chance my mom will find my vibrator
Officially hit an ultimate low today. I was so hung-over I threw up on the ground in front of the jousting display in the London tower. But on a positive note, Brits are very understanding when you vomit on their history.
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