Telling her that my penis is called megatron was not a good idea for a first date.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
don't worry dude, we didn't fuck on your bed out of respect for you
couldn't find a condom?
basically
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
I broke my arm trying to do a hand stand in my shower to wash the hate out of my asshole.
Just consider it? What else do you have going on today that could be as awesome as a day full of lord of the rings and sex?
Dude, if I don't end up wearing a banana suit in Milwaukee, I will consider that trip a complete failure.
I do believe that seeing camel toe in leopard print pants at Walmart is the closest I will ever come to going on a safari
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
last night we were hooking up when all the sudden he just murmured "mm blonde". i don't know what to think about this situation.
Look I'm sorry I stuffed your wife's bouquet toss but I won't have that weak shit in my house.
I told my manager that I would be coming in to work either high from edibles on purpose or tripping on acid by accident so he knows to check my work tomorrow.
If he cant deal with my insomnia and sex drive I really feel sorry for his child and ex fiance. Adulthood breakups are depressing.
Randomize