woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
by 11 am we'd already been drunk twice. how much lower can you go?
He ran around the party with a broken foot/ankle with a gallon of Malibu yelling "it must rain coconut"
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
I think your dad took our porno
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
Our group of friends now have more broken bones than reasonable excuses for why they're broken.
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Just text him and be like do you want this pussy or not. You have three seconds to respond.
She picked me up from the bar in her underwear.
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
Randomize
