I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
Come on, video tape it. Take one for the team
I wish straight boys touched me the way gay boys do.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I really want to lead this Amish guy into temptation
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
I feel like my body was put in a dryer with rocks set on permanent press.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
I got horny for like a second but the eggplant snapped me out of it
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
Randomize
