My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
and she is using the paper towels as a pillow... but you know what? i've done that too.. so u can really tell we are sisters.
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Pro: Drunk Portland Strip Club. Con: Monday morning hangover at work. Pro: boobs. Con: Sleep deprivation. The Pro's are winning.
I would agree. Add some coffee to the booze. It will cut down on sleep deprivation.
Thinking of someone think of me while masturbating while I masturbate. & that's how the over thinkers do it ✌️
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
So I decided to sleep with him for the first time in months so I can convince him it's his kid instead of the other guy
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
