the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
I think my vagina is haunted
is it sad that i think every plant i pass on the highway looks like a plant from farmville?
I get way too drunk to be trusted with family heirlooms
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I got a phone call from security asking me to do my laundry wearing more than a blanket next time.
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
how many thumbs am i supposed to have at one time
you found the shrooms didnt you
We found her on a strangers doorstep chanting "I know someone will let me in" it took 2 of us to drag her to the car.
I tried to sit on a barstool last night...it was an open trashcan.
He told me I was the only person he wanted to fuck in his rental mini van. Thats so romantic for a fuck buddy relationship.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
that game of battleshots got way too fucking intense. why does the couch have burn marks now.
I'm trying to secure Christmas dick. Idgaf if he has strep or not.
Randomize
