if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
dude. i was so high. i watched shrek in russian.
He said i was a degenerate twofaced catholic slut and a grade a bitch. Quite complimentary really. i guess i shouldn't insult the red wings
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
I HATE DRINKING WITH JUST GIRLS, ITS 1030 THEYRE ALL HAMMERED AND TALKING ABOUT HOW AWESOME THEIR SHOES ARE!!!!!!!
Isn't it statistically impossible for THAT many ugly people to be in one place at one time?
I want her autograph on my taint
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
You told me to keep you from drinking, but we both know I'm not that kind of friend.
My throw up tasted like pumpkin, fall is right around the corner.
Successfully defrauded the county government. What have you done today?
I'm so sorry to hear about your grandmother. Also how many grams are in an eighth?
Randomize
