Ugh I have so many sins to confess tmw at church, you just made me think of many more I've made on that street alone
right as i was about to introduce them she goes "old fuck buddy, meet new fuck buddy."
Lindsay lohan: road to jail is on E tonight. Bring vodka we are not missing an opportunity to make a drinking game out of this
She pointed at me and told her friend, I'm going to fuck him, its going to be really loud, so yes, i need the whole basement.
I had to step in when you tried to make it rain baking powder on my sister
IF SOMEONE ASKS YOU IF YOU WANT THE GOOD DRUGS YOU SAY YES.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
you made a mix containing mostly whiskey. then you took a sip, gagged and yelled "perfect!"
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I really need to curb my attractions to blondes with tattoo sleeves, firearms and alcoholism
She wanted to get out of there before you guys woke up so she wouldn't let me find my underwear. Lol So I apologize to whoever finds that in your room.
I love it when strippers help me get other strippers numbers.
Randomize
