A hangover is a type of food poisoning. Makes me feel better about calling out of work.
I asked for a dramatic "funeral" look for my makeup. They judged me.
I vagually remember taking your birthcontrol and washing it down with ash water
I feel like everything in this room is sweating
Ok fuckface listen up and listen good. 1.calling dibs on a chick out of your league is like applying for a job with a highlight video 2. dont fucking ski down the stairs again 3. if you do, put it on your highlight video
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
So how was your new years? Did u ride a horse at 3am in zero degree weather? Because I sure did
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
Randomize
