somehow, due in part to drug cocktail and alchl prior to meeting, i blacked out, got home, made total mess of kitchen, broke shower, and made 17 hard boiled eggs
Dude, I totally just put a lit lighter to my hand for 10 seconds
How much beer did you get for it?
One ice cold coors, but those mountains lied
we made margaritas with slurpies from 7-11 and beer.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
You flooded my bathroom while trying to construct a hot tub. All three of you were completely naked.
We told you to stay put for 2 minutes. We come back out and your being handcuffed yelling "DO YOU FEEL LIKE A GOOD FUCKING PERSON ARRESTING ME ON MY BIRTHDAY?!"
Were you rubbing your penis on me while I slept? I smell like penis.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
We had sex on a dog bed..
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
Took my nervous poop earlier then expected it's gonna be a good day
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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