Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
is not sure whether or not everyone at the club last night calling me a-easy is a good thing?
It's cold our but I feel like a very blazed penguin
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
I used the picture of my mom and I doing blow job shots in Vegas in the presentation for my Spanish final. Graduation here I come.
Nothing like the It's a Small World ride at Disneyland to remind you to take your birth control. I took it on the boat yesterday
When do you want to get tanked and forget our entire college education?
i told her i loved her afterwards and she said "i know," kissed me, and got up to start making breakfast.
dude, she han solo'd you. keep her.
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
Have you ever woken up and said a thank you prayer to the beer gods for allowing you to wake up in the morning and still have the ability to walk and talk? Because we should.
I think you know you’ve caught feelings when you’re asking a tinder boy his opinion about your current fuck buddy.
While finding our clothes afterwards he says..."So do we like have to talk after this?"
Randomize
