no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
i have wind burn on my face from my head hanging out the window of the cab vomitting
Just erased 'masturbate' from my mental To-Do list because I've got too much stuff to do. I hate adulthood
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
besides i was ending his dry spell. it's written in the bible that jesus likes that right?
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
Yeah. Moral of the story: Don't mace yourself. It sucks dick.
Themes for tonight: men who look like bill Gates but sing smash mouth songs. Women who's names are also food. Haircuts that DO NOT cover bald spots.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
Randomize
