Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
What time did you start drinking?
Maybe.
Maybe isn't a time...
Im going to hell in a hand basket. With a ribbon tied to my head. I'll be like a puppy for the devil.
he was very distressed by my statements that there could have been balls on shoulders without awareness
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
He came so hard that he yelled what sounded like a spell from Harry Potter.
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Randomize
