he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
he was pretty good aside from the whole putting his tongue on my butt thing
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
She just threw the soap bottle at me from the ladie's room and keeps asking me when we left the bar and got on the boat.
He might have if you were a little more subtle about your feelings instead of telling everyone multiple times how much you wanted his dick
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
You are a booty call, not a friend.
His lack of social graces and moral fiber complements mine nicely.
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
She pretty much spent NYE measuring dicks, trying to decide which one to take home.
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
Randomize
