you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
I'm not even planning on drinking that much tonight.. but I'm writing "emergency contact number" and your number on my hand just in case
after a month anything with tits is on the radar
entire chemistry final was about beer... i actually might miss this place
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Do you remember doing synchronized hip thrusts to Michael Jackson? Probably one of my favorite parts of the night
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
I fell asleep in the bathroom during my mothers dinner party with no pants on. Her friend walked In. I was told to not come back.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
not sure what stings more, my ass or my pride...
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
