I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
i now understand why he chose to have sex with my friend rather then me after lookin in the mirror this morning. and id do the same thing.
He's getting better. i'm using GuitarHero to teach him how to finger me. My clit = the red tab.
so then you were screaming "GIVE ME KELVINS!" and heating things up in the microwave and no one knew what you wanted
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
Not enough. Tell the person next to you to give you their drink. I give you permission. And then chug it. Be a hero tonight.
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
She was bending and I said "finally, about time". Wrong, she was tying her shoe. No blowjobs for me.
After my second liter of German beer, nothing D-cup or larger is safe near me.
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
