you definitely held a convo with a hobo
we have a secret handshake
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
She didn't even ask about the dinosaur pinata in my trunk. Like at this point I think these are the things she expects from me
And I think short bridesmaids dresses are the best idea especially for bathroom sex
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
I'll even be awesome and bring pizza for your family, just as a "hey thanks for letting a stranger get trashed at your house" gesture.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
Mainly I just wanna pet bunnies. And purple chicks. Well any color chicks if I close my eyes. But purple if I open them.
She shit all over my seat. She is not allowed in my car under any circumstances. Not even with drugs. You can't forgive a shit.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You are, as of last night, the self declared king of pooping. Long may you reign.
Randomize
