I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
Exactly how many bongs can i have before my parents figure out they really aren't vases
So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
THEY HAVE A VOMIT TROUGH.
What?
A TROUGH FOR VOMIT.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
She crushed my hand with the box spring last time, so it's all good.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
Here's my first problem: I'm drunk
When we tried to make a video I set the camera to 3sec pictures accidentally so instead of a movie we have a flipbook of our sex.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
This is the weekend we were supposed to be in Vegas making bad decisions hoping no one got VD, not stuck at home for the 900th day in a row
Randomize
