her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Do you remember last night at all? Be honest
I need to look at the pictures on my camera to fill in the gaps.
Just bought purple Ray Bans. If there was any small chance that I would ever have sex with women ever again, I just buried it.
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
When I was with my girlfriend I was averaging 1 random hookup a week. In the 2 months I've been single I haven't got any. I think I need her back.
Wait til she sees the pic of her vag in court docs.
Fucking plugged the shower with taquitos I just threw up.
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
its like the body should be a temple but we treat it like a kmart
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
I even put my vibrators back in the bedroom instead of the coffee table. If that's not growing up then I don't know what is.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
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