Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
She looked kinda like Mario Batali?
FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
About tomorrow. if it dosent fit dont force it. Just pushit as far as you can and i'll wiggle the rest of the way
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
All I know is he mentioned whips, leather cuffs, and a riding crop. It's like Halloween, Christmas, and My birthday all in one. a 5 year old couldn't even possibly be this excited.
I woke up to her screaming at the various pictures of nutsacks she found on her camera
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
I appreciate that you take the time to fix your typos even while masturbating
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
I'm glad you threw up in my bed because now we talk.
just had an allergic reaction to my dildo. My life is ruined.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Randomize
