I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
she called me screaming that i shouldn't ignore her phone calls, because she's not trying to get me to hang out with her and she doesn't want to be my girlfriend, she just wants sex.
what did you do?
i asked her out. that's so hot.
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
He may or may not be blacked out. We put him to sleep in the community bathroom. He's wrapped in your blanket and he's already puked on it twice. Using your blanket was my idea. Maybe next time you'll ask before taking my vodka.
Hahaha I asked him about her bjs and he said "I would not wish that on anyone"
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
Stop getting drunk and running away. I can'tell chase you. Iim in heels and have big boobs. Running is a bad idea for me.
It's 2016 and I'm somehow banging the milkman.
My pizza delivery guy was so hot I was like omg please let this be the beginning of a porno
Just watched a guy open his car door, puke, close it, and resume driving. Happy Monday.
Randomize
