You make homosexuality sound like a cult.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
I feel kinda awkward using the Sesame Street themed Google to search for hot young pussy...
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
You act like this is the first time I literally thought I was invisible.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I kinda wanna Instagram the giant vag stain on my sheets. That is something to be proud of. It's a Christmas miracle.
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Don't get mad at me now, you have my car and all the doughnuts
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
