based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
God gave me these boobs for a reason other than for people to throw things down them.
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
He just kept screaming "I have democratic immunity" as the cops dragged him into the car.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
my boobs are worth more now than the blue book value of my car.
No we just stood in the kitchen and laughed for 2 hours about how funny the popcorn noise was.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
WHY WERE YOU COOKING NAKED?
WHY WERE YOU SLEEPING ON MY COUCH?
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Randomize
