Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
watching law and order svu marathons. all of the sex crimes cases start like my sat night.
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
wanna tell me why theres a glass of water stuffed with tamptons in the freezer?
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
Brett got me a cake with a pic of me shitting
I'm eating your cookies as payment for having to listen to you. Happy sex
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
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