i just recognized the girl sitting across from me from a lesbian porno... should i ask for an autograph?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
There's a big bag of salt and vinegar chips and a Budweiser for when you wake up. Don't say I never did anything for you.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
I just ate cottage cheese and went to the gym at 6 this morning...the things i'll do because I might get naked in front of a new boy
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
I'm on my way to bail our sister out of jail with our mother's credit card. How old are we??
we've talked on the toilet we're linked now
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
I promise it wsnt a penis when i put it in my mouth
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