Another night of drunkeness. Maybe I shouldn't have played death pong...
Didn't you just get a DUI last week?
Indeed I did but death didn't stop Jesus now did it
Ridin mah bike see you on the moon
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
Ya after that i took a dump on a car... We're definitely partying with him again
Why did you make me get in the car with you and then not give me a ride? I woke up in a bar with a blanket on me.
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
Packing a mid day bowl in the Sonic parking lot. Have I gone too stoner?
I have feelings that need drinking.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
So we hooked up and then instead of texting me, he endorsed me on LinkedIn for Microsoft Word a few days later
he was Irish, I had to have sex with him.
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