Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Are you guys doing anything tonight?
Krysta
This girl wants me to lick her pits
pits??
Yeah pits, I think I still go for it though
We learned about herpes today in bio. I might as well have given the lecture
i love that you felt the need to clarify that you don't actually have drugs in your vagina.
Carpe scrotum. Grab life by the balls.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
Be proud. You give fat lesbians everywhere shower-nozzle worthy material for weeks on end.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
He started to lick a stick of butter and was calling it Jennifer.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
