My nipple is on Facebook.
so he expects you to be his vegas whore for the season. nice.
I'm going to get so drunk tonight, I actually feel bad about the 30 seconds of drunken awkward sex I'm going to have with one lucky fat chick.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
What do I do when my mom and I both awkwardly spot the Rocky Horror parody porn sitting on the coffee table? Leave it or try to move it?
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Me and some guy are crying in a port a potty together after another guy broke up with both of us.
Woke up from a black out in a strangers Jeep without phone, shoes, or wallet.
Woke up. Found about 20 condoms upstairs. A hole in the couch. Bread on the floor. Going back to sleep.
i'm currently watching a guy eat a bunch of cacti and i have lost all faith in humanity
**cactuseses
Randomize
