My clean wipe streak was ended today by two enchiladas and a can of refried beans. dammit i should have been more cautious. thanks for all ur encouragement and support.
He just posted pic of sad weiner and half a butt cheek. That is it. I HATE online dating.
Still burping lighter fluid. Totally awful.
Since when do you have sex with people you have feelings for?
Dude you don't understand. I genuinely felt his soul's penis in my soul's vagina.
Why do the people I hook up with still exist after we're done?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
I was basically shocked at how calmly you accepted my violently shoving a french fry in your mouth.
Just retrieve me from the bathroom floor when you're done
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
He was standing in the living room wearing a Donald Trump wig and looking very disappointed
My ex husband is now my side piece. #thisis30
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Randomize
