I'm lost and stupid without you.
I lined up everyone's pillows and I'm playing Evel Knievel when I jerk off later.
I just realized this is gonna be the last time that I'm high in my childhood home. I'm kinda sad. I'm really high..
so would me posting the photos of the cock and coin jar incident be completely out of the question?
I was in bed at 845. Affairs take a lot out of people
I'm gonna wear that dress that makes me look like a slut. You know, the one your sister got arrested in.
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
You probably don't remember this but last night I bought you a lap dance from a stripper that had nipples that looked like runny eggs....you're welcome.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
I'm confident that their children would come out as 100% authentic rats
I'm both gender and math confused
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
Randomize
