8:17pm: So, How was fun day?
1:15am: So I just woke up in my bed in my bathing suit... I don't remember getting into bed or dinner or anything after slip n slide that happened around five... I'd say fun day was a success
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
i had to pay fifty dollars for throwing up in the limo, 60 fucking dollars to throw up all over myself
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
i want to find a way to basically assault his face with my vagina.
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
Just a heads up before you get home. Took the shelves out of the fridge so i could fit the beer ball and bucket of riot punch. Apparently i decided the stove was the best place to keep them. They got cooked when we pre heated to cook a bird we shot. This may be the final straw for our security deposit
She kicked in my bedroom door in only high-heals with a bottle of wine, announcing it was "cock-o-clock"
He rubbed my back afterwards. I forgot how to talk and I legitimately thought I was a cat for a few minutes.
Mom, I'm really sorry you saw my naked ex-boyfriend in the living room this morning. I can explain....but I'd rather just stick with this apology and be done with it
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I'm gonna chug this bud light an might injure this high school penis, like I'm 17 again
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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