I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
Umm, ya, half our class is sitting in starbucks passing around flasks. Yes, flasks. Plural. Going to join them, we're all giving oral presentations in 20. Go hard or go home.
After a certain point, you just want to make it work. Prove to yourself that you're smarter than the vibrator.
you left saying you wanted to "go piss on that girl's doorstep" and we didn't see you the rest of the night
that actually explains a lot
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
she said she walked into the kitchen and i was sitting ass naked on the floor chugging her parents vodka.
Can you come get Dustin he's putting taco bell fire sauce on cigarettes trying to light them again.
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
i think it’s okay to see him. you just can’t wind up with his penis in your mouth again
Remember those neighbors I thought were FBI agents? Turns out they're DEA.
Randomize
