I bet farrah fawcett is having words with michael jackson in heaven for stealing her thunder
Every night before bed, when I used to say prayers, now I just think to myself 'freshman sluts. Soon'
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
the mandatory saturday morning class for those written up by RA's turned into a gold mine...just met EVERY hot chick that parties.
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
If her puking on your pool table is her sign of a good night, it's time to intervene.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Her shirt said pass joints, not judgement. You're surprised she stole your wallet after?
If I had a mugshot, I would totally use it as my main picture on Tinder, just to keep it interesting.
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
