She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
he got a rim job in the basement.
apparently i was the one who gave it to him.
according to the random from alabama i slept with last night i kept saying "poor lil tink tink" over and over in my sleep
Desperately trying not to throw up over the side of the ferry back to CT. Can't be the first one of the season.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
i'm totally cool with all the dick sucking you're doing down there, but as your brother i think i'm supposed to warn you our parents will be home in 5
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Do you have any need for a scary clown mask?
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
I know it's my dream I got hurt enough to leave work but not hurt enough to stop drinking
Beer Olympics must happen in honor of the legit Olympics.
Randomize
