Who knew there were guys that wanted to only stalk you instead of date you? Count on me to find them!
I walked into the garage and you were telling the bikes that you were not that drunk.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
We played strip Bananagrams and I won. Thank fuck I read a lot as a child.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
He put crushed up bacon in the joint and now we're listening to the Matilda soundtrack I have no idea what's going on
$200 on plane. $110 on train. $5 per drink on plane. $15 per case on train. Plane 1 hour flight. Train 9 hour excursion. Hmmmmm.
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
did you just send me my own nude
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
Was that you calling me at 4am asking to borrow a rubber ducky and a tampon?
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