No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
all im saying is that if he was a normal person, he would have fucked me by now.
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
My god this is going to ruin whatever Vegas left of our souls...
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Just had an epiphany about how to drink more effectively in the shower. While walking across campus carrying a Franzia bag like Santa
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
my roommate was being a bitch so I changed my Netflix password on her. 21st century slap in the face ladies and gentleman
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
If sex isn’t mentioned at least three times at the dinner table, I’m not interested...
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
Randomize
