why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
It says a lot about how well I know you when I can understand messages of yours that say things like "sauteed Jesus."
she texted me out of nowhere. and I wanted to get drunk. like I didn't even have her new number until 6 hours ago and bam we were rolling around drinking cotton candy vodka from the bottle she had stuffed in a boot
Hey.. Here's a thought for the evening. There's only two more sleeps until I fuck you so hard my back teeth will convulse.. Here's too Tuesday! Woohooooo
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
Please acknowledge the sock on the door. If not it will be rammed up your ass.
They made out. Sounded like hippos drinking water
Dude, you like sabotaged my shower time by walking in and eating a snack pack on the toilet. That's messed up on levels that haven't even been created.
Why is there a traffic cone in the shower? And did you wash it with my body wash? It smells nice.
I feel like you can't break up with someone on 420. It's against stoner code
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
i pushed adam in a shopping cart for 15 blocks, then we realized we left tyler downtown
did you go back and get him?
nah we went to a karaoke bar instead, so worth it
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