I mean roof. it goes up. its important day. you should recongziw it.
You're drunk. Make complete sentences.
It's not luke its my birthday or anything. Mike, understand.
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
TINY HANDS NOT FOR BUTTHOLES
This is going everywhere on the internet.
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
Woke up to my asscrack filled with melted Reese's Pieces. Halloween parties are so weird here man
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Remember that time you gave me a fat lip with your vag? We should do that again!
My morning started with my mom giving me the number for a substance abuse councellor. How's your day going?
I'm trying to find some better sex background music so his neighbors don't hate us. This is tedious.
Would it be rude to use my vibrator? like he forfeited his right to be mad when he left me orgasmless...right?
Sorry I yelled at you and called you Amish and puked on your eggs
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
Randomize
