just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
I actually cannot wait for your visit. I miss people who make me look like the virgin mary in comparison.
He sent me a recycled dick pic! He could at least use one without sunlight in it, considering it's 10pm
I woke up at 4 am to a guy curled up in the fetal position sobbing in our front yard. Oh college.
This whole having a new phone thing is like starting all over in life with a clean slate! (My old text convos are gone)
New phone new life!
Cocaine and dance dance revolution for 4 hours. I consider last night a success.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
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