Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I learned a valuable lesson about combining day drinking with malt liquor: you may think you have super powers, but that's just the Steel Reserve talking.
Randomize
