i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
dude skip the party. it is a fucking post office here
what the hell does that mean?
nothing good but a whole lotta male and packages
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
He came into the hospital yelling "HEY EVERYBODY! REMEMBER ME?"
I have a huge gash on my chin. Did I get it from A) a mini siezure; B) an oral sex incident; C) Slamming it into a ledge or; D) all of the above?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
My life is pants optional.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
