Rescue me. My white trash great uncle just pulled out his belly at the restaurant to show us how big this woman's tit was
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
She just wrapped her tongue around my thumb.....lizard girl may be my next wife.
she just refered to her hymen as "the mrs"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
I knew I'd like her from the moment she supported me messing around with my co-worker on my lunch break
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
Randomize
