I feel like ignoring a facebook event is a lot like a pocket-veto. The only difference is instead of opposing legislation, I don't want to go to your sketchy party.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
I get so lonely sometimes I set my phone's alarm to go off every 5 minutes or so and imagine people are texting me.
just balanced a champagne glass on my gut. thanks to beer im a living breathing tempur-pedic mattress.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
i love you man. i hope we fuck some serious shit up this summer.
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
You described pouring milk in your strawberry cereal as a glittering magnificent water fall, skimming over the mountain and little strawberry citizens.
I damn near set my vagina on fire. WHILE The Flaming Lips played in the background. Intensely apropos.
we're drinking bellinis i mean god's titty nectar
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
I fell into a manhole last night, so there's that
Sorry I didn't have my phone all night. Did we hang last night?
You bit me
Oh lord I need to hear this story
My professor just said irregardless, get me out of here
I guess he's ir-illiterate
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