Getting arrested together sounded so much more fun in theory.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
Dude, she's the greatest salesman alive. she convinced chelsea to buy a box of Cheerios for $20. She can find your dick some willing pussy.
Sorry if this is weird, but please don't have sex in my truck. I get to be the first...
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Ok. Here's the plan. Take your hand (whichever is closest), summon all your nerve, and just stick it right down his pants.
I love you.
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
He fed me Girl Scout cookies while I was still tied up...what did I do right?
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
His mom wants to come see the dorm.
Hide the whip.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
Between falling off a shelf on to a concrete floor and sex with you - i may never walk again.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
