Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
Part in the USA is on your top 25 most played on iTunes. you have NO RIGHT to judge me.
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
Dudes got a Polo tattoo. I don't care if he has a yacht I can't handle that level of gay.
I'm terrified to sleep next to her. Of course the sex will be fuckng awesome.
There's half of a squirrel in the bathtub - i figured you'd be the one to go to.
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Also, as my manager i'm going to put you in charge of making sure i don't drown.
If I wasn't stoned and knee deep in cheese and crackers I'd help.
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
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