Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
you win again, gameday.
I spent all day at the mall with her, then she made me actually watch a walk to remember then decided to tell me she was on her period. This one is either really crafty or I am really desperate.
My life has literally become a dickpocolypse. Thank you, summer, I missed you.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Have you ever tried running while drinking 151?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Also, lets remember that we have known each other for nearly a decade and our two most recent photos to one another are boxes of plan b
Just had my first american. He tasted like freedom.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
I cannot belive our party caught on fire
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Randomize
