I can hear the grilled cheese talking to me. "Let me in there!" they wanna get inside me
It's just like the Real World with babies
Her vagina smelled like chicken
why do you say that
chicken smells like everything
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
Doing lines off a plate that says, "things go better with coke."
Someone shat in our tub last night. I'm not pointing fingers but you priors make you a prime suspect.
And one night I got way too drunk and thought he said call me a polish name so I called him Konrad. Now he thinks I cheated on him with a Konrad.
That's my new pick up line call me a polish name
So which one of you fuckers changed my backgrounds while I was passed out to me holding a chicken like the statue of liberty?
guy next to me on the train just pulled out two bottles of gin and a block of cheddar. is slowly making his way through all of them.
I'm trying to poop and took acid, this is going to end horrid or wonderful. Oh the amusement park, not the pooping.
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
We have an albino peacock in our apartment. It's beautiful.
Scratch it being beautiful, bitch just stole my McDonalds. Call animal control.
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