New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
I wonder if there will ever be a day where I don't find lisps really really hilarious.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
She won't let me open the car door while we are on the highway so I can throw up outside. She deserves to have her car thrown up in.
At first i thought she was a sexily dressed toddler. but not in a pedophile way, in a really on drugs way
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
No it's only my right leg that feels like it's about to fall off. The left is fine.
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
New rule. If he's too busy to put the "H" in "what" then I'm too busy to put his D in me.
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
Randomize
