Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
There are few people I can ask this w/o being looked at as insane... Do you ever some days get fascinated by how amazing your own breast look?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
Apparently I confessed my love for him last night. Also, my love for cash4gold commercials.
Margaritas are 250 calories. Now measuring all food in margaritas
No, the weekend was great. It was the waking up in the pond in the raft without an oar that sucked. That fucking water is cold at 7am.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I think the threesome was inevitable when she walked out in nothing but his boxers followed by him completely naked.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Night just started and I've already seen a woman headbutt a brick wall. Unintentionally. Epic to say the least
Do you have any puffy paint? I want to put "fiesta muthafuckas" on my sombrero but its too much to bedazzle.
I realized just how much my daughter is MINE when I heard her tell someone "Go shit yourself" yesterday.
I plan on getting so intoxicated, that I think it's MY own birthday
Can I play this game?
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
