he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
Dude. Hurry up. They just blessed the tequila.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Random girl at this party just gave me a lap dance in a la-Z-boy. Night significantly improved.
were drug buddies, doing lines off her ass is just a bonus
The pride tent is doing free lube tastings. There is also a mechanical bull.
i think that after ALREADY drinking that much, the tube shots may have been a bad idea.. i mean afterall, i did wake up and find my cell phone IN the bonfire the next morning.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Hooked up with a guy resembling a bearded Cher. I need the lenses on my beer goggles fixed. Pronto.
Please don't judge me for my hormonal purchase, judge me for my awesome rack.
The problem with having a roommate is that you are forced to answer the age old question "Are you okay?"
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