Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
I gave up trying to understand them years ago. Now I'm just trying to fuck them.
I hurt so much. Not in the emotional way, but in the I went to dive bars sorta way.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I don't want my liquor store dad to judge me...
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
Got out of the uber to projectile vomit in the McDonald's drive thru. Gonna take a break from the Cuervo for a while.
I texted him: “Come over for the Super Bowl. I promise lots of scoring.”
My divorce is turning into a porn script
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