I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
dude, boobs are like the porridge in goldylocks
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I can't tell you details but at one point I had her pee strapped to my back in a ziploc
Aww. I feel like I need to kill a puppy just to make room in the world for how cute you are right now
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
we can be functional adults and still think pizza lunchables are the shit
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
Randomize
