the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
i woke up with toilet paper straight tucked up in my underwear wearing a pizza sauce mustach. I dont think i got laid last night.
we found him in the shower with a bottle of jose saying "this is Mexico's fault"
We made a drinking game out of Project Runway. Gay guys are so fun.
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
He asked me if I wanted to blow his whistle and proceeded to pull out an actual whistle.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I'm in my onesie attempting to spoon-feed myself cold soup. I'm playing freeze tag with my hangover. My hangover's winning.
I thought the dude was just really enjoying his piss but apparently he was jerkin off into the urinal.
you are singlehandedly the most cursed object the universe ever conceived
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
She should be a lawyer. She convinced her husband to give her a hall pass AFTER he walked in on her in bed with her ex-bf
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