I think god was stupid personally. The clit should be inside the vagina. Idiot.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
I wish i had a shirt that said, "I know what you're thinking and it's not herpes on my face"
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
This is the drunkest I've ever been at a chili's
40 year old guy made out with me last night while I had French fries in my mouth
...okay, you can't just say 'masturbating llama' and not explain yourself
i buy too many watermelons when I'm drunk
Nothing wrong with a little cat scratch fever. You have toys?
A few, plus a dildo molded from a porn star that I've always been too intimidated of to actually use, but it's the apocalypse, and momma didn't raise no quitter.
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