McDonalds has hash browns for only a quarter!....how many u want?
All of them
Two man bar crawl was hectic. Just found leaves in my pocket.
I couldnt bring myself to steal alcohol from my dead grandma
We sold so many girl scout cookies when we were little. What went wrong?
if there weren't so many witnesses I 100% wouldve punted that squirrel
Just used the leftover candycorn for candycorn vodka. Our house is trying to continue the Halloween spirit for as long as possible.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
Was my mother there when I broke the stipper pole?
You were throwing cups at people in the basement, yelling at them to get out of your swamp.
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So you're not gonna be in town tonight?! Your dick was the light at the end of my academic tunnel!
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
There's lube and condom packets all over the street we missed something awesome.
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