My mom came into my room and told me to flip off the tv. I gave it the middle finger. Note to self: STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT
So he flipped me over and suddenly went limp then told me he was thinking about his ex.
so you punched his junk, right?
remind me next year to leave the 19 year old girl at home when you're going to pride. total cock block
its awkward enough using a urinal next to your dad but its worse finding out hes one of the guys who goes no hands and moans it out
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
There's a patch of dead grass from where you would notoriously throw up after every good night in July. This summer was great.
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Should I go sleeveless of strapless?
Hmmm, it doesn't matter. You're gonna be topless by the end of it.
When he wakes up tomorrow with half shaved legs smelling like a preteens bathroom, I'm sure he will think he has had a great evening
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
I swear she is the Mary Poppins of drugs
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
